Since my car accident, I’m not allowed to work or even carry a purse around, too much strain while my back and neck are trying to heal. I keep thinking to myself I can do whatever I want, til I’m suddenly in pain. So I’m in a pretty rough spot in life, and I need to make the best of what I can still do to keep my sanity. I’ve decided to craft.
I have been crocheting since the accident. It was all I could do. I spent a couple months making a baby blanket, and when I was completely finished the day of the baby’s birth I felt very accomplished in myself, it came out bigger than the average baby blanket because I had to make it so awkwardly since I used different kinds of yarn. I plan on continuing to crochet, but instead of things for others, its time I made a little for myself. I’m planning to make a scarf and beanie for myself out of the leftover cream plush yarn I used in the middle of the baby blanket. I hope to get more yarn to make more things. But I’m actually more interested in other crafts…
I want to paint motivational wooden words, or make my life my pinterest account. I want to bake things that come out as beautiful tasty creations. I want to decorate my room to look like I have my own serenity room, a room that screams a woman lives here and that woman is me. I want to take my favorite pictures of my past, the ones that motivate and put my mind at ease, and put them in a frame I decorated or created myself. I want to put my puzzles into huge frames so I can hang them and feel proud of the few things I can accomplish while I’m still healing.
In my world, I have very little control over anything, I can’t earn money by a job or even house chores since I’m back with my parents. I’m stuck in a pretty stupid spot that I wish I hadn’t been shoved into. I miss working out, dancing, competing in bar competitions, I miss running 5 and 10ks, I miss being the old me. So, its time for a better me. I have to do the few things that make me who I am while I learn a few new tricks to feel whole again while I feel so disabled.
I’m going to get a bookshelf, and a few shelves in general to hang in places for extra storage in my room, I’m gonna get around to finally hanging my super heavy Yellow Submarine picture. I want to get crafty, making things I’ve never thought to make, making things I’ve wanted to make for years. I need things to keep me feeling productive in life while I can’t do very much at all.
I’m not gonna lie, I come from a family that doesnt clean or organize, so that’s a skill I’m slowly picking up because I’m forced to in order to keep my sanity while I can’t clean my room in one sitting or do basic things like carry my laundry to and from the laundry room. I’ve been cleaning my room bit by bit for weeks, because I had let it go months without being touched. I hadn’t done laundry in a good month and was just slowly running out of things. I wasn’t feeling even remotely OK stuck in my room. 2015 was my worst year yet, and I hope no year is worse than what I dealt with, but I suspect I can’t help the future. I can only try to prevent making the same mistakes I made this year. Some of my worst moments were not my fault, and I couldn’t control the fall out from the events that occurred, but the moments I could’ve done differently, I will next time. I have to. I won’t fall that far again. I’m aware of my hearing issues, and now of my physical ones. I will work with them, and not force myself to do things I can’t anymore.
Some days I lack motivation to even get out of bed for any amount of time, some days I have the motivation to tackle the world. I wish I woke up ready to do things more often than I don’t. We’ll see how I do with all these new crafts in my life. Maybe it’ll pull me out of this funk and push me back out into the real world. Well, here I go.